I lost a daughter on Feb 12th 2009 and that was a horrific experience. I never ever thought I would be the one to lose a child. I had the "American dream". I was cheerleader that married the quarterback- we had 2 children, a beautiful home, fenced front and back yard, tea-cup poodle dog, kids in catholic private school.. so a 2 month old new baby was just icing to the cake. On the morning of Feb 12th I woke up to a non responsive baby, not breathing.. not moving when I kissed her head. At the hospital the doctor informed us that after working on Dell' Amore (my daughter) for 2 hours there was nothing more that they could do.. she was gone.. That experience spun me into an out of control drug induced stuper for 2 years.. I lost my husband, house, marriage, kids.. EVERYTHING!! My parents put me in rehab where I got the help I needed. I got out and almost immediately met a guy (greg).. one thing led to another and 4 months later we were expecting a son (Carmine)!! YAAAAAYYYY!!! Another chance at life for me and my children.. I could start over... OR SO I THOUGHT. Greg became increasingly abusive and he ended up beating and raping me to the point that he tore my placenta off my uterus wall. They air-flew me to the university hospital 3 hours away, where I stayed for 2 months. I wanted to give birth in my own town, closer to my family and my children. So I got discharged and went back to give birth. I gave birth to the most amazing, most hansome little bitty preemie baby boy!!! He was 2lbs and 10 oz and 16' long.He was healthy as a horse.. he didnt even need oxygen, he was just very premature and small. He stayed in the hospital for exactly 1 month.. He weighed almost 4lbs when I took him home. He was perfect. He was only home for a little over 1 week and then I woke up one morning and yet again found a unresponsive baby. I screamed and screamed and screamed!!!! (I lived with my parents after getting out of the hospital because I obviously left Carmine's father) So I ran into my parents room with my son in my arms and screamed at my mom (it was about 9am and she was still asleep) and I remember just screaming "NO NO NO NOT AGAIN MOM!!!!! IT HAPPENED AGAIN MOM" My mom called 911 while I tried to do CPR.. When the emt arrived they took him and we all went to the hospital. Again, the doctor came into the family room we were put in to wait and kneeled down in front of me and he looked at the floor before he spoke so at tht momment I just knew.. He said "We tried everything we could and there was just nothing more we could do.. his little body couldnt fight any more" I remember I screamed so loud that I lost my voice.. I threw my phone across the room and I hit the floor. I have endured more tragedy than I ever imagined a person could endure. I know I have wrote a lot, and I am sorry- Its all part of my story though.. just one last thing.. I LOVE YOU DELL' AMORE AND CARMINE GAMBINO!!! YOU ARE MY HEART AND SOUL!!